“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.” ― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

In the grammar school my children attended there was a fourth grade teacher named Mrs. Marino.  She instructed the class that if you wrote on the paper “believe in yourself” you would receive extra credit.  (If you wrote it on the paper twice, both beginning and end she might forget and give you double extra credit.) I am sure that the power of the extra credit resonated more than the power of the message at the time.

I find that it is often easier to believe in the success of others than in myself.  My not so dear but close companions, Anxiety and Dread, often tap me on the shoulder and repeat into my ear YOU CAN’T DO THIS.  It’s also challenging to be hopeful with certain individuals when they say they will do something and don’t repeatedly.  It multiplies the feeling that good things/events/actions can’t happen. I’ve talked about some of my fears before in another post and this is not to rehash that. This is my year to be hopeful and be stronger.

I have plenty of success in my life.  My life is good awesome. Not without bumps but really an excellent adventure.  The bumps are life events that you would rather not have to deal with, but someone once said to me without the lows you can’t appreciate the highs.  As philosophical and deep as that thought may seem to be, I am sure we would all rather deal with the highs than the lows.

We watched a recording of the Eagles documentary on Showtime again the other day and as it turns out I am a huge Eagles fan though I never knew I was.  One of the guitarists, Joe Walsh comments at one point a very deep and insightful thought.   He said “As you live your life, it appears to be anarchy and chaos, and random events, non-related events, smashing into each other and causing this situation or that situation, and then, this happens, and it’s overwhelming, and it just looks like what in the world is going on. And later, when you look back at it, it looks like a finely crafted novel. But at the time, it don’t.”

Joe Walsh Quote

I’ve talked before about my fears, and in fact I can’t remember a time in my life when the balance was not “overbalanced” with fears and self-doubts.   I never believed (despite how much I wanted it to be true) that I could achieve some of the things I have done.  From the outside looking in it may seem ridiculous to you, but it is not to me.   The questioning, the doubting, the endless conversations in my head rationalizing why I don’t believe I will be able to do something are endless and wearing some every day.

Hindsight is sometimes a bad thing (I wish I could have done something differently) and sometimes a good thing (I did something I never thought I could do).  I often don’t give myself credit for what I “did” thinking that it was out of my power yet I ALWAYS give myself responsibility for my failures.  It’s some of the should have, would have, could have mentality.  That way of thinking is pointless and time-wasting and non-productive.   As Taylor Swift so eloquently sings I need to “shake it off”

“‘Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heart breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off”

This is easier said than done but good advice none the less.

I believe in the ones I love without hesitation.  I am their cheerleader whether they need one or not.  And I am sure that there are many that are mine. You know them. They are the ones who say you’re capable, you’re worthy, you’re up to the challenge, and that you’ll do just fine.  Bottom line, they believe.  It’s the Tug McGraw rally cry of the 1972 season “Ya Gotta Believe.”

I think the never-ending winter of this 2014-2015 has gotten to me, and I am not alone, into a negative place.  Some of the well intended resolutions of New Year’s Day have gotten buried under the piles of the snow and mind numbing cold that has plagued us since mid-January.   James Kavanaugh titled his book, “Winter Has Lasted Too Long,” and I agree. 

Today we “spring ahead” in time and the sun is shining brighter despite the piles of snow.

“No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow”. ~Proverb

It makes me hopeful; it makes me believe a little more.  But it takes work.  Gratefully, I have the time to try. Recently, Skip, Becca, Kristen and I took a short cruise to get away from the winter.  It was brief and it had snowstorms and weather issues on the front and back ends of the trip which messed with my head.  As we sat on a warm sunny beach in paradise it was challenging to get my head into the moment as perfect as it was.

Castaway Cay

While walking on the beach with my daughter I decided I wanted to jump.  Maybe a momentary burst of happiness to see the sun and be warm.  Maybe Van Halen was playing his “Jump” song in my head.

I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I’ve seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You’ve got to roll with the punches to get to what’s real

Oh can’t you see me standing here,
I’ve got my back against the record machine
I ain’t the worst that you’ve seen.
Oh can’t you see what I mean?

Might as well jump. Jump!
Might as well jump.
Go ahead, and jump. Jump!
Go ahead, and jump.

It wasn’t pretty, much more like a giant rocket being launched than what I had hoped for. But I did it.

Rocket Launch

Linda Launch

 

“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”

Winnie the Poo