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“When we are sure that we are on the right road there is no need to plan our journey too far ahead. No need to burden ourselves with doubts and fears as to the obstacles that may bar our progress. We cannot take more than one step at a time.” ~ Orison Swett Marden

October 9, 2012

I have some time on my hands suddenly.  It’s not a bad thing.  It’s not an unexpected thing.  As my insightful father would say “It is what it is,”   (though I am pretty sure he did not come up with that line).  Last Friday  I was “pink slipped” from the company I worked for.

Maybe it wasn’t quite this dramatic

So, I need to figure out what exactly I need/want to do.   Monday was challenging.  Not having that routine of get up, take out dogs, make bed, shower, glance at emails, panic on all the complaints that came in from the weekend, eat breakfast and rush off to work.  It suddenly hit me – and unexpectedly it was not a good feeling. It felt like the Star Tours ride in EPCOT – ( I usually do that ride with my eyes closed for good reason)  – all of the possibilities were coming at me and I was dodging and diving and being jerked this way and that,  trying to avoid the death star.

I have no idea what the ride is actually like inside as I keep my eyes closed the entire time

So, once I got over my initial panic (nothing bad has happened yet)  I tried to make a mental list of what I can do and realized that although possibilities are endless, some just are not going to happen.   First on the agenda was to get healthy-so far I made a meal at home for supper 6 days in a row, which is a new record for the recent years.

Yep, that’s exactly what it looked like

Next in my endeavor to get healthy I planned to work out every day ( unrealistic)  so for the first five days I walked or went to the gym –  by day six I eagerly took the scale to find I had gained a half of a pound.   Now we all know it is not muscle – so I assume next week I will need to adjust my food intake.   That is if I can hobble to the grocery store once the pain in my legs from “exercise” has diminished some :).  It’s taken me several days to “calm down”  there have been outbursts of tears, followed by marathons of laying on the couch watching the food channel, to outbursts of cleaning and reorganizing drawers,  and catching up on mounds of paperwork ( does anyone ever really catch up?)

I’ve spent a little more time with my dad …

Lawrence M Condon Sr

And I have started lists of things I might like to do such as volunteer, learn to crochet and how to sew, kickboxing ( just for the violent aspect of it of course) and have lunch with family and friends.  I don’t want to waste time, but the trick for me as I see it is not to try to fill time for the sake of filling it to avoid emptiness.  I have always told my children that where you are is most often where you were meant to be. If you do your best it gives you opportunities, choices.  So right now I find myself a little ( a lot) anxious some times for silly reasons ( what will people think of me ) and other times just afraid to make that purely selfish choice and say – yep, I think I will try that just for me.
There are moments when i find myself almost paralyzed by the choices.  What if I choose the wrong door on Lets Make a Deal-  do I switch and choose another door – how do I know I made the wrong choice until it is too late.  There is something  called the “Monty Hall Problem” -basically it  is – about re-evaluating your decisions as new information emerges.–

Let’s Make A Deal

So, making some choice is better than making none at all.   We once had a lovely kitchen designer and when we were trying to make selections for the cabinets the options were endless.  Shirley had a habit of saying there are no wrong choices.   Well, she was incorrect.  Some things were just plain unattractive.   I will do my best to make good choices hopefully.  So if you are in desperate need of a lunch date or a partner in crime, or a fun adventure,  healthy or unhealthy, call me maybe.  Think positive happy thoughts for this journey.

When the road ahead seems too long, look back to see how far you’ve come. For, even if the hill before you is steep, the view gives you hope to finish the journey.   ~ Adira Daniella Kessler

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